I sometimes hear from wives who are trying very hard to understand the motivation of the other woman. They want to know who or what they are dealing with, of course. But many do not understand how someone would want to have a relationship with a man OKCupid.comReviews who is already committed or already has a family. Who would want to be in a relationship that is so complicated and so hurtful. When there are so many other men out there, why chose one that is married? What could possibly be in it for her?
A wife
might say: "I do not understand what my husband's other woman is expecting
to accomplish. She has her own business and her own money. She is successful.
She has never been married and doesn't seem interested in getting married. So I
don't know what she would be looking to get out of this. What does the other
woman typically want?"
It
certainly varies. In the same way that people have different motivations in all
relationships, so too does the other woman. However, because I write articles
about this, I do hear from many people in many different situations. Below, I
will go over some of the motivations that I commonly see.
The
Attention And An Ego Boost: In today's society, people seemed almost starved
for attention. Many people base their value on how many "likes" they
get on Facebook or how popular they are on Instagram. Our culture today seems
to have the perception that if you don't get a lot of attention, you are not
worthy.
So many
women in an affair are drawn to the attention. It gives their ego a boost and
they are thrilled to know that they can get someone else's husband to pay
attention to them. I know that it's kind of sad. But in some cases it is true.
The
Excitement Of Doing Something OKCupid
That Isn't Right: People who are honest will often tell you that it wasn't
necessarily the sex in an affair that was the draw, it was the fact that the
sex was forbidden. Some people just like the thrill of knowing that they are
doing something that is frowned upon. It intensifies the experience.
A
Relationship Without Attachments Or Complications: Believe it or not, some
women who have affairs with married men do not want anything in return. Some of
them are very clear that they never want to be in a committed relationship. So
they get involved with a married man who is also clear on the fact that he has
no intention of leaving his wife or family. Neither of them want anything more
than a relationship with no strings attached. They feel that this keeps things
less complicated.
The
Continuation Of Being A Glutton For Punishment: Some women have an uncanny
knack for choosing emotionally unavailable men. They may have low self esteem
and are not doing this consciously. They just seem to be a magnet for men who
have no intention of doing right by them. Sure, the men will take what the
woman is offering, but they never have any intention of truly standing by her.
Because of her lack of self esteem, she can repeat this process several times.
She may or may not finally wise up and learn to choose men who are available
either literally or emotionally.
A Lack Of
Truth: Every once in a while, I will hear from someone who swears that the man
never told her that he was married and she never figured it out until she was
heavily invested in the relationship. Many times, she never would have had
anything to do with him if she had known he was married. But once she finds out
about the marriage, she doesn't break it off because she believes that she has
developed real feelings.
The Hope Of
Something More: On the other end of the spectrum is the other woman who knows
with her head that this man is married,but is hoping with her heart that he is
going to grow to care for her enough that she may eventually become the wife.
These women like to believe that they are special in some way - so special in
fact that he is going to throw everything away to be with her.
These are
the women who will continue to call and try to maintain contact even with the
husband tries to break it OKCupid.com
off and honestly tells her that he is going to work on his marriage and stop
cheating. These are the women who heard the husband say that he had no
intention of ending his marriage, but who thought that they could change his
mind after a little while.
As you can
see, women have various motivations and wishes when they have an affair. One
size does not fit all. In the case that this wife described, the other woman
may fall into the category of not wanting a permanent or serious relationship.
She may be the type of other woman who actually seeks out married men so that
she can have a relationship where nothing overly emotional or permanent takes
place. This feels more safe to her and she doesn't see herself as a threat to
your marriage. But obviously, she can't make that call for you. Because you
know that the existence of cheating is threat enough.
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