"One should rather die than be betrayed. There is no deceit in death. It delivers precisely what it has promised. Betrayal, though... betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope." Steven Deitz
One quote could not be truer than
when applied to an affair. An affair hurts crushes and torments the person that
this horrible deed has been done to. It makes you question everything in your
marriage Datinggroup as well as
tarnishes more than anyone could ever imagine. Especially when it is multiple
affairs that are revealed after the final one was caught. Now you are sitting
there not knowing what to do, do you end the marriage by filing for divorce? Do
you try to work things out and forgive the person who hurt you? Do you stay
together just for the kids? No one can tell you what to do, and no one can
fault you for whatever decision it is that you make. But always remember that
the decision you choose has to make you happy in the long run as well. With
that said if you are choosing to save your marriage and forgive the affair
there are several things that need to happen first.
1. You are going to need to grieve,
this may sound odd but you will understand when you think about it a little
further. You are wondering who this person you are with really is anymore, are
they who they were when you married them? The short answer is No; but it is
also extremely Eharmoney
complicated and this is where the grieving starts, you need to grieve the loss
of the person you once loved. You need to come to terms with the fact that they
have changed. But at the same time you need to remember that so have you. And
this does not make either of you a bad person, one of you just got lost along
the way or was never on the same path to begin with, but that does not mean
that they are not ready to be there.
2. Talk, this can't be stressed
enough. Air needs to be cleared and you have questions that need answered. The
cheating party needs to remember this and be as patient as they can be because
they are in the wrong. They do not know what you are going through even if they
say they do. If they can't be patient with these processes then you need to
re-evaluate your decision and decide if this is the best choice for you. When
asking questions, ask whatever you feel you need to ask. Many people will say
don't dwell on the small things (was he/she better looking, better in bed, EuroDate.com what positions, when and where) whatever the question
is that you need to know to feel better, ask it. It will be hard, it will make
you sick to hear these things, and they will come back to haunt you through
this process and if you are a person that hates the not knowing, then it is
better to know than to torment yourself with the what ifs.
3. Listen. The other party does
still have things that they may need to express that brought this on. However
do not let them convince you it was your fault, there is nothing in the world
that warrants someone cheating. But there may be things in the relationship on
both parts that can cause one party to become lost but it all comes down to how
the cheating party handled, and cheating is never the answer
4. Acceptance. Yes, at some point
after you have grieved the former marriage that you were part of, asked all of
your questions and received all of your answers and heard their side you will
accept what has happened and be ready to move on. This is where all of that
talking comes into play, where compromises have to be made on things that may
have driven the relationship off course. Where the two of you come back to
square one and start over together, start again together, and be ready to
recommit together.
Now there are times where you might
back slide into previous steps and that is completely normal and acceptable.
This is not a process that has a time limit on it and one cannot be placed or
expected to be placed on it. This healing process and how the offending party
handles it will make or break the relationship.
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