I find that it's very normal for the wife to want more information about the other woman. Even if you wish this woman never existed or that you could put her out of your mind, you might find yourself constantly being curious about her.
You figure
that you should educate CharmDate.comReviews yourself on what kind of hold she had on your husband
and why. You wonder what the attraction was and how she was able to get her
hooks into your husband. Getting this information isn't always easy, though.
Because much of the time, you don't know her and you don't have much intel
about her. And so you are dependent on your husband for that information.
Unfortunately, not all husbands are very forthcoming with these types of
details.
To that
end, a wife might say: "all my husband will really say about the other
woman is that they met at the gym and that she doesn't live in town. He insists
that I would not know her and that information about her does not matter
because she is completely out of our lives. I will try to ask him what she
looked like and he will tell me that she was nothing special. He won't tell me
where she works. He won't tell me her age. He won't tell me what the attraction
was all about. In short, he shuts me down every time I try to get information
about her. Why is he doing this? What does it mean when a cheating husband
absolutely refuses to give information about the other woman?"
There are
many possibilities. I will list some of them below. Some of them might ring
true. And over time, he may release his grip on some of that information. He
might eventually come to realize that you deserve the information and that
keeping it from you doesn't do much good and only makes things worse.
Possible
Reason Number 1. He's Ashamed: This is a very common motivation. He's not
telling you information about her CharmDate
because he is ashamed of that information. Men sometimes cheat with women who
are not their type or who aren't particularly pretty or intelligent. In a
sense, he is ashamed of her and embarrassed that he took a risk over someone
who truly wasn't even worth it.
Possible
Reason Number 2: He Thinks That More Information Might Feed Your Insecurities:
Sometimes a man keeps this information from you because he honestly believes
that he is protecting you. Maybe she is younger or has some other attribute
that he knows you are going to cling to and hold onto for dear life. In short,
he knows that the information is going to make you feel badly or insecure about
yourself and he wants to avoid all of this.
Possible
Reason Number 3: He Doesn't Want For You To Seek Her Out: Many husbands are
afraid of their wife confronting the other woman. They don't want an ugly
scene. They don't want for the two women to compare notes. And he doesn't want
the other woman to say or do anything to hurt you. So he figures if he
withholds information, this will keep you from finding her and this will keep
any hurtful confrontations from happening.
Possible
Reason Number 4: He's Withholding Information For His Own Gain: I hate to even
bring this one up because I don't think that it's correct to always assume the
worst. Some husbands who won't talk about the other woman truly are trying to
protect you and don't have sinister motives. But occasionally, a husband doesn't
want you to know much about the other woman because he is still seeing her or
stringing her along. Or, he doesn't want for her to tell you information that
is going to make you very angry at him. In other words, he knows that keeping
the two of you apart is going to benefit him in some way.
Now by
saying this, I am not trying to insinuate that you should want to meet with the
other woman. I firmly believe that she is not the best place to get your
information because her motivations are very different from yours. She is going
to want to make herself appear to be the CharmDate.com
innocent party and she is going to want to present the affair as more than it
was because it will help her to justify her actions.
I honestly
usually discourage the wife from contacting the other woman because I never
hear of it turning out well. And it gives her power over you. Plus, it
sometimes places your focus in a place where it shouldn't be.
With all of
this said, it's not fair for your husband to withhold all information from you.
I think it helps to define what you most want to know. Some information truly
doesn't add anything - like minute details about her life and her personality.
Those type of details just don't matter and tend to muddle things up. But
information that lets you know how real the relationship was and how they met
and carried this out are important details.
So you
might try a conversation like: "listen, I am not asking you for a
biography on her. I don't need to know her life's story. But it's not fair for
you to not share what I need to know. I need to understand how and why the
affair happened and I can't do that when there is a big, gaping hole in the
story. I know that you might think that you're protecting me, but it almost
feels like you might be trying to protect yourself also. I don't intend to go
and confront her or cause a big scene. I just feel that I need more information
about all of this. And just because you refuse the information, that doesn't
mean that I'm going to stop trying to get it. I think that you can save us both
a lot of time and anguish by telling me what I need to know so that I don't
have to waste time continuing to search for it."
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