When it appears to you that your husband is actually happy with the other person in the affair, you can begin to feel fierce resentment. Because from your perspective, they are getting everything. LovingFeel.comReviews They seem to be in love, they can move on with their life, and they may well live happily-ever-after why you are left to clean up the mess.
Because of
this, it is normal for the wife to wonder if there will ever be any price to
pay for the people who cheated. She wonders if this is ever going to come back
to haunt them. She wonders if they are ever going to feel regret or if their
relationship is ever going to suffer because of the way that they met.
Someone
might say: "from my perspective, my husband and the other woman have it
all. They claim that they are very much in love. Her family seems to have
welcomed my husband with open arms. He gets to leave all his responsibilities
behind and go and play house with her. It just isn't fair. When I talk to some
of my friends LovingFeel about this, they tell me that karma will take
care of this. They tell me that their relationship is doomed to fail - or at
least to be very negatively impacted by their actions. Are they right? Will the
other woman and my husband suffer in any way for what they have done?"
Statistically
Speaking, Their Relationship Is Up Against Unfavorable Odds: You are assuming
that this relationship is going to make it. Statistically speaking, most
relationships that start as affairs fizzle out. Sure, some people who cheat
with each other do get married. But the baggage from this situation usually
follows them.
Here's a
story that might give you some perspective. I have a very good friend who
cheated on her husband with an ex-boyfriend. Because of the affair, she later
divorced her husband and married the ex-boyfriend. The affair started when she
"reconnected" with the old boyfriend on Facebook. They had an online
affair and then they eventually started meeting up in their old home town. My
friend would tell her husband that she was visiting family when in fact she was
carrying on the affair.
This was a
touchy subject between us because she knows that I have strong feelings about
cheating because of my own background (more on that below.) However, we have
been friends for a long time. So I was not going to abandon our friendship just
because of some choices that I didn't agree with. And, over time, it was clear
that she needed my support. She LovingFeel.com
knows how I feel about her actions and we leave it at that.
While it
appeared that my friend and her new husband were blissfully happy in the
beginning, they certainly have their problems now. They have serious trust
issues. Because they cheated with each other, they are always worried that the
other is going to cheat again. They fight constantly - mostly about money.
Their divorces were financially costly for both of them and so they struggle to
make ends meet, which causes conflict.
Blending
their households also has caused conflict. Understandably, their children have
not taken kindly to the situation. They feel resentment that their lives were
turned upside down because one parent cheated. And so they take it out on the
new spouse. The new husband's kids are pretty nasty to my friend. And her kids
are pretty nasty to the new husband. My friend resents that her kids did not
just accept this with open arms. But I can understand their resentment.
One day,
after my friend had just had a fight with her new husband and her children, she
confided: "If I would have known how this was going to turn out, I just
would have tried to make my first marriage work. I would have stayed off of
Facebook and put my focus on my kids. This is not worth it. I love my new
husband, but this is just too hard. The price was too high."
Of course,
the next day, she was in love again and trying to work things out. But I hope
you see my point. Relationships that start out as affairs carry a lot of
baggage. And if you have ever watched the episode of "True Tori"
where Tori meets with Dean's ex-wife, you know that eventually, there is often
much regret and remorse.
So my
answer to the question is that from my observation, yes, there is a price to
pay sometimes. Yes, there is sometimes suffering from every one involved. There
can be a perception that the cheating folks go on and live charmed lives, but
in my experience and observation, this is rarely the case.
In their
hearts, both people know that what they did was wrong. And of course this is
going to weigh on you. Of course this is going to affect your relationship. You
are unlikely to feel very good about yourself or about the relationship, even
if you initially tell yourself that the end justifies the means. Plus, you have
to look around and face all of the people who you have hurt. That causes a lot
of pain and guilt to carry into your next relationship.
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