I'm always a little amazed at the correspondence that I get from wives who are concerned with how the other woman feels. I admit that after my own husband's affair, I was curious about how the other woman felt when it ended abruptly on my account. But honestly, if she YourTravelMates.comReviews had been sad or dejected, I would not have cared one bit. I know that this perhaps sounds awful, but her peace of mind was just not my concern.
I was
worried about my own feelings and the feelings of the people in my family. So
while I admit that I was curious, I moved on from that curiosity relatively
quickly. However, to be fair, she was an absolute stranger to me. And we lived
far away from one another. I knew that I was not going to have to interact with
her in my day-to-day life. And I'm sure that she was as grateful for that as I
was.
Not every
one has this luxury, though. Some people actually know the other woman quite
well. Some consider her a friend, neighbor, or acquaintance. Some care about
her feelings and perceptions. It might be described this way: "Honestly,
moving past the affair is doubly hard for me because I have loved both people
involved. I would not say that the other woman is my very best friend. My number
one friend lives across the country. Unfortunately though, I don't see her very
often. When I moved, the other woman was the first person who befriended me and
we became very close. She has been a good friend to me, caring for me when I've
been sick and always making herself available to watch my kids or do whatever
else I needed YourTravelMates
from her. Our cross-country move was
hard on us. So having someone who lived close by that I could interact with was
a blessing. I don't know many people, so she's serves as a big support system
for me. Well, do I need to tell you that she is the one who my husband cheated
with? I understand the attraction because she is a beautiful person inside and
out. To be honest, in the weeks after the affair, we didn't speak. But slowly,
we did start to interact again, although it was awkward. My husband was
frustrating both of us, basically just retreating and not being honest about
what direction he wanted to take. At that point, I thought it might have been
possible to save our friendship. But a few days after that, my husband
announced that he wanted to save our marriage. He didn't tell her this, so I
decided that I would. She was very angry. She said that she didn't want to
maintain the friendship because it would be too awkward. She said it with a lot
of malice, like I was the one who did something wrong. Her attitude makes me
think that perhaps she perceives that I manipulated the situation to influence
my husband so that she would lose him. I did not. I left it up to him. But what
if I did influence him? I am his wife. It hurts me that I feel like, in a
sense, I've lost both of them. And I hate that now I don't have that close
support system anymore. Why does she hate me so much?"
Her Hatred
Is Likely Directed At Something (Or Someone) Else: Deep down, I honestly doubt
that she hates you. She probably hates the choices that she has made and the
reality that she faces right now. She probably also is feeling a little bit
guilty. And she may also feel like the odd - man out. I know that you feel
alone. And you've said that you feel that you have lost them both. But think
about it. She is in this position also. She truly has lost both people. Because
your husband has chosen to go back to you, she is lost to both of you and that
probably feels quite bad for her. So her reaction may be more related to her
situation than to you.
Resist
Scattering Your Energy And Your Priorities: Please don't take this the wrong
way. I envy your emotional capacity because I do not think that I would even be
able to approach this type of compassion. But, as someone who has worked really
hard to recover from infidelity and to restore her marriage, I can tell you
that it's really hard - even when your focus is totally on yourself. It's very
hard when you also have to worry about your children and your husband. There
often isn't a lot of room or time to worry about additional people. So be
careful about spreading your concern too thin.
And if you
want the best result with your husband, you probably want to place your focus
on your marriage, your family, and yourself. It's unfortunate that you and the
other woman are both hurting when you care about her. And your affection for
her means that you don't want to be the cause of her pain and you don't want
for her to hate you, but I'm not sure how much control you have over either
one.
At the end
of the day, your relationship with your family should take precedence. For now,
I would suggest worrying about your immediate family, while allowing her to
choose where to place her focus.
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